It
has been so long that I neither updated my blog nor my diary. My diary is
supposed to be my daily reflection but my daily ritual is now at stand still.
It has been weeks. The reason is simple; my
empty mind which has lead to laziness.
I have not been hard on my mind either. I
have let it dawdle own its own. Same is with my eloquence. I have remained
withdrawn and silent in the conversations in all situations. There are two things I am writing about here: on my transition
of my personality type and writer’s block.
The
routine of life has made the once dynamic
soul into dormant stage for time being. Is this stagnant phase a sign of
freedom or lost me?
I
sense the lost ‘magic’ in me for now;
the magic with which I used to charm my World (although it was a small). It’s like the long slumber of the Dark Ages of European literature. Although that
might be too huge a comparison yet my soul is experiencing the same dark era. Or I am also probably suffering from writer’s
block even though I do not credit myself as a writer. My writings are purely for
myself, for my own satisfaction and reference.
On
my personality type: I have been an extrovert
.Neither did I hesitate to talk in gatherings nor was I uneasy to start a
conversation with strangers. I was brave
and out spoken. I do not see this in me anymore.
I have become anxious and conscious of
every word I speak. I rather choose silence as an ultimate solution.
Certainly,
I have all the opportunity in the world to gather all the creativity, all the knowledge
and wits. Yet the mind is blank and still. Should I blame my surrounding for
it? I surely would not dare that. This is what the transition to adulthood has possibly made me.
I
am not supposed to be like the one I am today. I am eager to become the person I dream of;
the one that is lost for the moment. I
want this dark era for both eloquence and writing to end. I want
to write more and talk with confidence.
As
I write this, I find myself constantly in search of ‘right words’. I find my fingers carelessly pressing the backspace
button every time I type a sentence. I pause for several times before I actually finish
each paragraph.