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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Nyctophobia in Me.

Nyctophobia (fear of the dark)is mostly associated as a  phobia in children. I am an adult yet I still  fear the dark. I rarely confess this phobia in me. But I realized that admitting my fear can help me overcome it.

There are various situations when we encounter darkness. Case 1: It's night time, you are alone at home, reading. All of a sudden, the light goes off. You suddenly realize that you are out of candle stock. You can’t find your mobile phone.  Case 2: You are in the shower at night, the lights goes off, your mobile is in your living room. Case 3: You are walking  alone to your house at night and there is a dark place you have to cross. Case 4: You  go to store room located in the basement of your office with a urgent task. The tube light in the store room has some problem. It's dark. You have forgotten your mobile on your desk.  

I can’t sleep with my lights off. If I do, I wake up in the middle of night to find myself sweat profusely with the fear that someone is lurking in my room (I often develop an apprehension of a ghostly figure). I am a little hesitant to go out when it is dark. When I walk the dark path (even with my friends) I feel that someone is following me (A creepiness runs through my spine). I get really terrified to even  look back with the fear that I may see something horrifying. My heart rate increases, I start to sweat even in the chilliest night (I try not to admit it  to my friends).  Even when I am in group, I always prefer to walk in the middle. I choose where I want to be as walking behind my friends or by their side, gives me the feeling of an unknown presence behind/by my side. I feel protected in the middle. 

If I have just a friend with me in such situations. I hold their hands or arms. When scared, I  usually pressed their hands so hard. I know Rinchen and Tshering definitely knows my feelings when I do this. When I am alone, you can assume my condition. I find myself gasping till I reach home. Even the thought of walking alone at night gives me a chill in my nerve at the moment.

When I get into a dark room I fear what if I see someone like the one in "Grudge' horror movie. I quickly search for the switch and get back to my normal self (Confession: I can't go alone into an empty dark room, I try hard as am an adult now). 

As per once source "If your nyctophobia is severe, you may attempt to run away from dark rooms and avoid being outside at night. You might become angry or defensive if anyone tries to encourage you to spend time in the dark."( I do  that all the time. Hereby, it is confirmed that I have Nyctophobia. And it’s a severe one. 

Any dark environment gives my body a paralysis. I feel vulnerable.  My imagination further stimulates my fear and I regret for watching horror movies (Note: Now I have stopped watching any of it). I always associate night and its darkness to "Evil and Fear."

The positive point of this phobia is that I feel very close to God.  Such situations make me seek refuge in them with my true heart. I feel their presence too. I know it is good to feel close to God but it leaves me crippled most of the time. 

 I hope this confession  do me  a little  magic and elevate me of this phobia in me.