Along the Road Side ^ ^

How many times did you travel from Thimphu to Phuentsholing,  or from Trashigang to Samdrupjongkhar?  Many times? Few times?  Don’t remember? There may not be a single person reading this who might not have traveled through this route. While travelling through this places, how many of you have taken a few minutes and thought of how life  might  be along the road side? Of how it would have been to work and spent whole life working  along the road side, crushing stones, layering roads, clearing landslides and so on?  There are hundreds of Indian workers working along the roadsides and I also heard that there are few Bhutanese whose  livelihood is made solely by working along the roadsides.  This may not be of big interest to you all because it does not matter to you. But I thought they are also similar human like us and it matters.

Like many of you, I too have not realized for so long. Recently I have been travelling a lot and that was when I realized and contemplated about it.  I really do not know how exactly the lives of people function along this roadside. I do not know if this story accounts true for any person living along it.  I just imagined how if I were among one of them would have lived my life. I do not know if anyone of you reading this would  like it but it brought little tears into my eyes when I deeply imagined myself among them.

 Here goes my story: 

  Through the eyes of  Prena

I know I am born as human but I also know that I have no privileges like other human. For survival, I work along the roadsides. I do not know how I reached here but by the time I reached my maturity, I have known myself work with my parents along the roadside.

I am the eldest of four siblings. My two brothers are of age 13 and 14. While my sisters is 10, I am 16 and eldest of all I help my dad to make their life comfortable.  I have never been to school because being the eldest I had to help my dad.

My dad works very hard and the area where he works is very risky. He is old but we have no option. After my mom passed away, he was the sole bread earner. I try hard to help him in the best possible way. Now, that I have grown up I tell him to rest but he will not listen. He works though his health is deteriorating.

Now that I am destined to spent the rest of my life clearing the roads I have no big dreams. Of course, I had dreams like other kids when I was young. I always wanted to become a doctor seeing my mother suffer from a strange disease where her legs swelled and could never walk. My father said my mother would never walk. As I grew up, I ceased to dream because I knew my dreams would never materialize.

There is no vacation for us. We work in summer when the rain is heavy, in winter when the cold is intense. It is even more terrible when we have to work late in the evenings. The geographical terrains make our life hard. There are always landslides even in winter leave along summer time.That’s when we have to do overtime and have to even sacrifice our meals to clear of the roads for the travelers.

As I work here, I see lots of vehicles pass by, girls of my age smiling, waving and traveling with their family. I envy them and even though it is just a dream beyond reach for me, I pray for such a life in my next life.

Today, all I know is about the forest and the road. I always wonder what must be beyond these mountains. At times, I dream of crossing it to reach a place where my family and I do not have to work in cold and heat.

 I wonder and wait for time to change, for good things to happen. Will I ever see better times ahead or am I destined to live my entire life here? 

For now, all I can do is  'Wait' ............^^

HM's Visit to RIM

HM visited Rim yesterday(26th April 2013). His speech  opened up my dreams and renewed on the aims that I have in my life.Firstly, he reminded us about the importance of knowing one's history. Its time we reflect about the past and consolidate it. Its the history that has made us what we are today. The hard work of our past generation has kept our country tranquil and independent. Thanks to our forefathers.

Next, HM talked about the situation of Bhutan."It gives me goose pimple to think about it" said HM as he talked about how Bhutan is sandwiched between the two giants, the two growing economy of the world. The Rupee crisis, the debt burden and so on. We must start to work on this.  "Even when I drink coffee, the milk powder,coffee and even the container is all imported. The only  Bhutanese is me and the water." Its high time we start to think about our economic development. 

We are complacent, way too complacent. In this changing times, we need to work harder and think about the future of our nation, the future of us and our generation. Otherwise as HM said we may become like Sikkim. Especially the youth need to change our attitude and start being serious of our future. Times have changed now, we get information from so many source and we have access to internet and other form of media. Its high time we update our self about things around us. Start reading!

Time change and things might change soon. "Our forefathers have successfully handed our country, independent and  peaceful, we should not be the first generation to fail to  successfully hand it to our future generation."

 HMs visit opened my eyes to focus more on my aims, on the dreams that I have for my country. Above all, he rang a bell in my head of my aims in life. I need to move on, work hard with my heart and soul. I may sound little patriotic but the day awakened me from my sleep. Big thanks to HM.

All I pray is for us to built our nation to a better one. To fulfill the dreams that HM has from us. May God give us strength to move ahead and never give up....Bless us my Guru.....^^ 

The Fact of being "Known"

When  you are 'known' and 'Visible'  in the society or the public, its the moment when you get all the attention in the world.. The  very little things you do is noticed, the way you look at people, the way you  walk, talk  or even  the way you smile. If you unintentionally do things against the general principles  you become the source of rumors and mockery even if the deed is not of a big public concern. When the gossip actually reaches back to you it is all in the form of immense distortion.

Conversely, if the same  deed is carried by any other person of no public visibility, the action goes unnoticed even if the intensity of the situation is extreme.

Another complication is the 'Faces' behind the 'smiles.' There may be many people who may double cross or mislead you. Trying to figure out the deceptive smiles may be arduous. One have to be careful anyways. Flattery, you will receive that a lot by people who know you but to distinguish  the intention may be difficult. For few might have the intention to drag and stain you of your hard earned state. 

The most difficult part is differentiating True from False friends, understanding the real appreciation from the bad intended ones.

Now, since you are well known , you can no more live by your values or perception but have to follow what the majority perceives right or wrong. The freedom to live by your values and interest curtails. Your name is tagged by the position you hold and not by  the person who you really are. The self identity gets lost in the world of expectations. 

In such times, there is lose of serenity with yourself and with other people around you. One might even feel to strangle another person who deluded(if you come to know about it) you. But its the time when you must show them how tranquil you are about everything. Otherwise their eyes and ears are too open to create another rumor. This is the way the world functions. You see frowning faces when a misfortune happens to you but you do not see the real face behind it. Outwardly,   they may frown but once you are out of sight that may be the only source of their conversation. This is the world.................the very bitter fact about being known and  recognized....

The Power of Collectivity

Collective power

Often in our society we end up pointing fingers at each other or blaming each other when a problem arise instead of working collectively to it. When there is a gang fight, we often think it is the responsibility of police to solve the problem. When a student creates a nuisance at schools, we often blame our teacher of the credibility of their teaching. In fact, we are not ready to be the stakeholders to root out these issues. We are very good at debating and coming up with great ideas to solve these issues. Implementation is difficult because of the lack of cooperation from various stakeholders.

As I came in acquaintance with many people young, adults, and elderly in various discussions, workshops and forums, I realized the power of collective thought and work. Bhutanese must be proud to know that there are enough of CSO’s  and  NGO’s with similar visions and aims. The question is how we bring these diverse groups with shared visions together. There needs to be collaboration to bring change in the society.

To state few examples of varied groups with similar visions: The first is our focus on youth where there are several groups like YDF, Y-VIA, Go Youth Go, DYS, BYF etc.  All these groups focus on well being of youth and related problems. Its basic focus is on how youth energy can drive the society. If these societies can collaborate, things would be more efficient and effective.

Should the youth issues be left to these organizations? In fact, NO, every Bhutanese must take the responsibility to combat drug addictions, gang fights, violence etc. If every citizen hold responsible for these issues, it will mitigate soon.

Even though Bhutan has several women organization for the well-being of women and children, the women and child victims are still high. Women victims of violence and prostitution are high. There are children who are homeless and victims of child labour. Aren’t these organizations doing enough? Of course, these organizations are doing their best for the well-being of the society. However, these organizations suffer from the lack of human resources, expert group, budget and technology. Did anyone think how efficiently these aims and visions would be achieve if they work together.

Domestic violence is a concerned issue for everyone. How many of us report when we see our neighbor’s wife  battered?  We think it is their personal matter and we must not intrude. However, is battering a personal matter?  This issue of violence against women can be solved if the matter is not just left for the women organization to solve it.

Every Bhutanese know that waste is a problem. We see waste everywhere.  Our street is filled with wrappers, plastic, bottles.  ‘Someone has thrown it/I am not responsible for it,’ are the attitudes when we see these wastes. We leave it for someone to take the responsibility.  It’s the attitude of the people that is a problem than waste.

It is high time for potential groups of varied background with similar vision and various stakeholders to come together. Forming various new CSO;s is not a solution to the problems if there is no cooperation  among the stakeholders. We might have extraordinary visions but without collective efforts, visions may remain only  as visions.

In absence...

                                 In absence

                           

May be fourteen years is not too long for anyone to forget one’s most beloved person.

Fourteen years has passed by.  I have passed my child hood days, my teenage days and I am now nearing to be an adult yet he remains in my heart and soul. Fourteen years is not a very long time for me now because I had lost one of the most important persons of my life.

Today as I journey through the steeps of Namling, (the steep pass between Bumthang and Monger a dangerous and an accident prone area) whole of my body stiffens, giving me goose pimples and the image of my brother flashes through my mind. As I look down through the vehicle at the steep slope, covered by the thick forest, it chills me to think of the pain people faced that night of the accident.

 People interpret the bus accident in their own way. Most say that the bus driver was drunk at the night of accident. While some say that he was angry with his passenger. Other blames bus being overloaded. Few consider it as the destiny of the passengers. I am neither a saint nor detective to know the cause of the accident. I am a simple human being and I only know that the bus accident had cause the lives of so many precious lives and among them was my brother. As I pass through Namling pass today, I see the image of my distress family.

The summer of 1998 was the most disastrous for my family. I still remember the anguish on my nephew’s face telling me, “uncle Ugyen is no more” The news had traumatized me immediately. My heart beat stopped for a moment. My whole world was at a standstill. I wished the news to be a fake one. I wished myself to be in dream and wanted to wake up laughing at myself for such a dream. However, the reality could not be denied. I cried my eyes out and I cried even more at the thoughts that I will not be able to attain his funeral. I had to travel three days to reach my home town where his body has been taken for cremation.

 After spending three sleepless nights I and my sisters ended the World’s most calamitous journey and reached our home town to attend the rituals. Desolated my house appeared, silently it stood and even the mountains around it seemed to mourn at the loss of my brother. Sight of my parents was even more depressing for me. As soon as I stepped into my house I noticed my mother grief-stricken with flocks of villagers around her. My father sat motionless like a statue.

My brother was placed at the center of the room but not in flesh and bone but only a gema (the shadow) that represented him. The food and drinks were offered in front of him. I ran hurriedly towards my mother. She stood up and hugged me tight. Volumes of tears ran through my cheeks. There was nothing I could do nor did anything left for me to say. My brother was helpless in the battle of fate. He lost the battle of life to destiny.

I could not do anything but pray silently to almighty for his soul to rest in heaven. His body consigned to ashes, his soul no more, only the prayer flags stood in his memory. I was left deserted only to pray and stare at those prayer flags. Never ever did I realize before that such a young person leaves so soon.

 Now, I wonder to whom I should blame, whether to blame the carelessness of the driver or the government for not widening the road or to blame the night of the accident itself. Or should I blame the fate for such misfortune?

But memories can never fade away from me as the word Namling synonyms him for me now.

Emotions....

                                                                                16/10/12 5.55 pm

Emotions   clutched

My teachers and my Gurus have always advised me never to be attached to worldly things.  Never be drawn by the emotions of love, distress, anger, hatred, ego, jealousy etc.  However, my heart aches at the thought of the impermanence, of how life changes so fast, of how time hastens,  of how moments become history.  I look back at past of how people have changed my life while I stay in curiosity to see what waits me ahead. Human life for me  is such a wonder. I really do not understand why I was born. Is  our life meant to be born, get education, become a doctor/teachers etc.. get married  and so on. I wonder if there is any other purpose of coming here other than fulfilling these conventional roles. Are we blinded by the societal roles and responsibilities expected of us. So often I  keep asking this question: what’s the purpose of life?  The answer is ambiguous. All I do is keep following the mass. However, am I right to do that or need  to just find my way.  Most often I am soaked into sentiments of the thinking how people squander their life ignorantly. Once we leave the World, will we be able to come back here? Will humans realize at some point of time the goal with which humans are born?  

There a lot of times when I self-assess and find so funny to think this way. But at other point of time I find it notable to drift my thoughts towards it. I need a spiritual guidance at this point of my life. My emotions are so clutched that I am totally mystified with it.

I  beseech my Guru to show me the way as you always do. Do bless me find my destiny.

The Shattered Dreams

The shattered dreams

Nobody wants me home.  I am the reason for them to get societal criticism.  My Ama hit me when I shared about it. My mother was silent and helpless because she too was dependent on Ama like me.

Now I live here at my Apa’s village with grandpa. I lost my dad when I was very young. Until then my mom and me had been staying with Ama, my mom’s sister. Life has never been easy on us as I felt I was a burden to them. I worked during my vacations. Thanks to my Ama she supported my studies until my graduation.  Though she is very strict, I know she has a reason to be strict.

 Now, I have hurt her, which I never intended to.

I loved him so much and beyond that, I had trusted him. Never in my life I have imagined that he would betray me to this extend.  My heart aches not that he has left me but because he refuses to accept our child.  I remember the trust and the dreams we had built for our future. Now, that the life is grown in my body for so long, I don’t even want to pursue him to accept it. May be it was my own fault because I trusted him more than myself.

I have lost all hopes for him to return. It hurts me badly because I have ruined my relationship with my Ama. She is so sad that she does no longer want to see me. I have left Thimphu.

Life is difficult with no support from family.  I have no job and no person whom I can trust. I have lost faith in him and the only reason for my existence is my child. I wonder why he does not accept our love.

Should I blame myself for trusting him? Should I blame him because he is denying his responsibility? Should I blame my Ama for she is angry to support me?  

I am afraid to approach any of the women organization for I know he would get angrier and never return to me. The little chance of his return may be shattered. I feel helpless. I only wait for the time to change everything, for things to improve and for my life to be beautiful again.

Note:   This is based on true story. I know the girl but I have not seen her personally.  Many of my close friends have shared about this to me. We have been discussing what can be done to help her but since all of us are also young, nothing materialized. and I really wish we could help her out in some way. I really did not know how to put up this issue so I have put this in the form of story. I even do not know  if I have done justice to her story but it brought tears as I wrote this.