Pap smear: Early detection saves life

I am not a public health expert nor a specialist, the reason for me to write this article is because I am concerned that people (died and )might die of the preventable cause.

So it is cervical cancer that I am going to throw a little light and the ways to prevent it. Cervical cancer affects the cervix of uterus in the female reproductive system. In Bhutan, cervical cancer is the most common cancer diagnosed in women. More than half are diagnosed in late stages, leading to high mortality.  The morbidity and mortality associated with this cancer has impact not only on the life of these women, but also on their families.

Fig. 1.shows cervix affected by cancer

(Source: Google images)

A woman with cervical cancer lives with bleeding, foul smelling discharge, leaking urine/feces or severe pain for many months. She dies when she is still socio-economically productive leaving behind children who are small or dependent. Besides, the government spends a lot of money getting these patients treated in centers outside Bhutan. Cervical cancer is still the most common cancer referred for radiation. This is a cancer that is not only curable if diagnosed early, but is also preventable if detected early, with availability of good screening program.  

   

Risk Factors

ü  Early age at marriage is one of the most important risk factors.

ü  Multiple sexual partners increase the risk of exposure to HPV infection.

ü  Low socio-economy and low education: Women of low socio-economy are more likely to either not enroll in school or drop out early leading to early marriage and have more children. Due to low literacy, they are also less likely to participate in screening due to ignorance and lack of awareness.

ü  Smoking: Nicotine and by products of smoking are thought to increase a woman’s relative risk for cervical cancer because their concentration in the cervical mucus decreases the immune capability of the cervical tissue.

ü  Immuno-suppression: Immuno-suppression due to any reason leads onto persistence of HPV infection with more likelihood of developing cellular atypia. HIV positive women are at higher risk of developing cervical cancer. Cervical cancer is one of the AIDS defining cancers.

ü  Lack of screening program: Lack of an effective screening program also acts as a risk factor. Women who regularly undergo screening and adhere to follow up and treatment are unlikely to get cancer compared to those who never do it.

Symptoms of cervical cancer;

·       Abnormal vaginal bleeding;

·       Excessive or foul smelling vaginal discharge;

·       There may be urinary frequency and backache;

·       In advanced cases, there may be:

o   Pain in the pelvic region or lower limbs;

o   Swelling of lower limbs;

o   Renal failure in late stages;

o   Passage of urine and feces from  vagina;

	Cervical cancer may remain silent for many years till it is well advanced.  Pap smear can help in early diagnosis and treatment.

Fig.2 shows the stages of cervical cancer(source;google images)

Cervical cancer can be prevented by vaccination against HPV (currently HPV vaccination is provided to girls in class VI ) and early detection through pap smear screening.

Pap smear is a proven method for cervical cancer screening. Pap smear studies the cells leading to identification of women with abnormalities in the cervix. In Bhutan, Pap smear screening services are available in BHUs and Hospitals. However, despite the free screening services, incidence and mortality due to cervical cancer did not change significantly over the past years. One of the reasons for this could be lack of awareness among women on this service. Even if women are aware, some do not avail the service. Some of the reasons I often hear is “I feel shy”. ‘I am scared it might be painful’. ‘I have no time’

If you are shy; just know that cervical cancer is even more painful than your shyness. It only takes 3 to 5 minutes to get a Pap test and it’s not a very painful procedure.

When should women get Pap smear done? 

·       Pap smear should be done 7 to 10 days after menstruation stops;

·       In women with amenorrhoea or in menopause or who had hysterectomy, it can be done any time;

·       In women who have delivered or had an abortion/miscarriage, it should be done after three months.

In Bhutan, target population for Pap smear is all women between 25 to 65 years of age regardless of HPV vaccination status. All women who are or were sexually exposed should participate in screening or do Pap smear

What does it mean to be a Bhutanese?

Have you ever asked  this question?   People might think this as an easy question. I bet this is not as easy as you think? Until you are asked to explain it to a foreigners you will never know the depth of this question.Unique identity?  Gho and kira?  Culture? That’s the first thing that’s comes to our mind.  Right? So what? Does just wearing Gho and kira make you a Bhutanese? Or having unique culture and identity make you a Bhutanese.  Will you be able to explain why you wear gho and kira apart from the answer of it being a national dress? When you think it that way, the question becomes harder? I believe that being Bhutanese is more than just wearing gho/kira and speaking dzongkha.  

Knowing our history. History is one of the most important tools that can track the story of our existence (in this case as a Bhutanese). Spiritually, understanding who we are might be a big question. But it’s not uneasy to understand yourself historically. Who has all the time to read history? plus documentation is poor in Bhutan. Find other ways, we have lots of wisdom in our older generation! Simply knowing our history will help us appreciate our identity and build a sense of pride of who we are

Understand why our Dzongs stands rather than knowing just the names.  Dzongs played such a significant role in the history of our country. Without it, we wouldn’t have survived as a Nation today. Just knowing their importance shows our gratitude for our forefathers.

 Not just waiting for the government to do everything for you. But making our little contribution to the community we live in. Small deeds matters. For a while, move away from the kidu culture mindset and start making little difference. This could make our lives lot more better!

Just knowing the definition of GNH is not important as living by it.  Our society is on the phase of transformation that we even do not know who our neighbors.  Do we? Little deeds like having courtesy to say hello to your neighbor makes you happier than dancing all night in an unknown space.

Not just going to a Lhakhang or religious gathering because you are force by someone (or you feel odd by not going) but knowing why you are going there. Most often we go to ritual or preaching just because everyone does. Do you question on such matters? Learning to question is not rude, it means you are thinking differently .

Kira and Gho. Of course, you know why we wear it. But do you know, how/when did it emerge? Who designed it? What each part symbolize? I never asked anyone. Have you? Now, don’t you think it’s important for us to know it being the citizens of the country.  

Do you know dzongkha both written and spoken? I mean at least basic for those who went to schools. Now a days it has become a trend for people to  proudly say I don’t know dzongkha (I mean the literate ones, sorry for being judgmental) . I don’t blame you, it has already become a trend, but at least don’t infect your children with this cliche. Teach them to be proud to speak and write it.

Collective efforts in times of crisis and not be divided by religious or political ideologies. Like in the recent earthquake in Nepal. I was truly moved by what a collective effort can do.

In the end, who are you if you don’t know anything about where you come from, about your origins, your family, your language, your own culture -Kelly.E

To my AMA

This is dedicated to the  most incredible women in my life, My mother, for or her love, patience and kindness. 

Dear  Ama,

This is my second letter to you. I wrote the first one when I yearned terribly  to express out what I had inside me.I know  I  am never  good at expressing out loud on  how much I love you.But I know its not too late to say it today.  I love you Ama.  It means the World  to have you in my life.

You might not be able to read this. I know you are not even aware of  Mother's Day people celebrate around the World. It does not matter anyway. Today is your day, a day where I am reminded how lucky I am to be your daughter.

Ama, I miss you every single day. I envy those who can be together always, sharing their little gossips.  My relationship with you have not been like  what people may actually describe theirs. We  never had enough time in the years gone by  to be together.  Yet  I never felt the distance  because I always had your moral support and love.

I shall always remain grateful for the sacrifice you made for our sake,  for never complaining  in times of crisis and  for being patient. I am thankful to God for sending me an Angel who gave me strength and courage to face the World.

Your little girl has grown up and become the women she  has dreamt of . Why wouldn't t she,  when she have tons of  your blessings and prayers every day. Thank you seems to be a very small word compared to all your sacrifice and handwork.Happy Mother's Day.

May God give you the happiness of the World.  I love you mother,

With  love


Your daughter
 Tashi

Condolence

My deepest condolences and prayers to the people of Nepal whose  lives were lost in the devastating earthquake. May the souls rest in peace  May the affected be healed soon. Om Mani Padme Hum

Self-improvement?

“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it” 
                                                                                                                     ―Buddha

In New Year, people often commit to do or not do something.  We make resolution in every New Year that comes by. Whoever started the culture of New Year’s resolution, I am happy that they did. It makes a person develop both short and long term goals in life. In short, it gives person a will to self-improvement. Some new year’s resolution goes from joining gym, losing weight, saving money to finding love.

Whether out of my curiosity or due to a want for self-improvement, I did make few promises to myself.   After 3 months of it, I am looking back at my new year’s resolution. I have committed to take my goals very seriously this year.

My New Year resolution are to(not in any order of preference);
1. Join a reading club
2. Observe the National reading Year by reading the double of previous year. That makes me obliged to read almost 36 books this year.
3. Learn to drive. A thing I should have done long time before. Somehow I have not taken it very seriously. It’s now a vow this year.
4. Join a volunteer group. I am yet to decide where I want to join. There are several volunteer groups in the capital that I can choose to join. Though I have been active in my college days by being in almost 4-5 volunteer groups. I have been very dormant for the last one year. It’s high time I wake up for the greater cause.
5.  Look for a spiritual guide. Well, that is the toughest of all. There are several teachers I know, but I want to feel connected to the one I choose. I want to find myself through the guidance I get (it’s tough one though!). For greater realization, understanding and transformation.

 I am deeply inspired by this quote by Sogyal Rinpoche “our master is your living link with the truth, and because of your personal connection to your master, just seeing  his or her face connects you to the inspiration and truth of your own nature.’

Unlike the other years, this year is a very special year for me solely because of the resolutions I made.  My only pray is to be able to keep all commitments and to live by it.

The Stagnant Soul

It has been so long that I neither updated my blog nor my diary. My diary is supposed to be my daily reflection but my daily ritual is now at stand still. It has been weeks. The reason is simple; my empty mind which has lead to laziness.  I have not been hard on my mind either. I have let it dawdle own its own.   Same is with my eloquence. I have remained withdrawn and silent in the conversations in all situations.  There are two things I am writing about here:  on my transition of my personality type and writer’s block.

The routine of life has made the once dynamic soul into dormant stage for time being. Is this stagnant phase a sign of freedom or lost me?

I sense the lost ‘magic’ in me for now; the magic with which I used to charm my World (although it was a small).  It’s like the long slumber of the Dark Ages of European literature. Although that might be too huge a comparison yet my soul is experiencing the same dark era.  Or I am also probably suffering from writer’s block even though I do not credit myself as a writer. My writings are purely for myself, for my own satisfaction and reference.

On my personality type: I have been an extrovert .Neither did I hesitate to talk in gatherings nor was I uneasy to start a conversation with strangers.  I was brave and out spoken.  I do not see this in me anymore.  I have become anxious and conscious of every word I speak. I rather choose silence as an ultimate solution.  

Certainly, I have all the opportunity in the world to gather all the creativity, all the knowledge and wits. Yet the mind is blank and still. Should I blame my surrounding for it? I surely would not dare that. This is what the transition to adulthood has possibly made me.

I am not supposed to be like the one I am today.  I am eager to become the person I dream of; the one that is lost for the moment.  I want this dark era for both eloquence and writing to end.   I want to write more and  talk with confidence.

As I write this, I find myself constantly in search of ‘right words’. I find my fingers carelessly pressing the backspace button every time I type a sentence.   I pause for several times before I actually finish each paragraph.

Mental Health : Let us be serious

                                                                                          

I am doubtful if the Bhutanese took mental health seriously in the past. However, at time like  this: when the   pattern of our  economy is changing, when globalization is diffusing fast into our borders, when our life style is changing, when we are bombarded with information, we must take the mental health seriously.

Time has come where number of people suffering from various mental disorders has increased over the last few years. The number of people visiting the psychiatrist in the capital has increased over the years.   The Annual Health Bulletin 2014, reports the total mental disorders of 3520 in 2013 from 3044 in 2012 in the country.

                                                                             

                                      

Photo courtesy: http://production.miningaustralia.com.au/

Anxiety, psychosis, depression and substance abuse are attributes to mental health disorders. However, whether mental disorder is caused by the consumption of alcohol and drug use( psychoactive) or if the consumption of this substance is caused by mental disorder is yet to be found.

One of the probable consequences of mental disorder is suicide.  The staggering numbers of suicide from 2010 till October 2013 is 293 cases (reported case). We saw 68 suicide cases just in this year (Zam, 2014). This is a very huge number for small nation like ours.Just few days back, we saw another two youth take their lives. 

What does this number show? It shows that something is terribly wrong somewhere. We are either overlooking or complacent about our mental well being. The suicide and suicidal attempt could be due to the ignorance of the parents to their child’s emotions, poor communication, inability of the person to cope up with depression and stress, problems amongst peers and inaccessibility to counseling services.

The increasing mental disorder in the country is the alarm to our society that we need to take mental well being very seriously. Its time where frequent dialogue and communication in the family and between friends must be revived. We must put aside our mobile phones, laptop and television for some time and sit together. Of course,  we have mails to respond, meetings to attend, urgent appointments and follow ups to be done.  Yet in our busy schedules, we should find time for our families and friends to do that little exchange of dialogues.

The government is making some intervention. The counseling facilities will be made available to all walks of life. If a person feels that he/she has mental disorders, the person must come forward to avail these services. They must talk and not hesitate to come forward to get help.

References

Ministry of Health. (2013). Annual Health Bulletin

Ministry of Health. (2014).Annual Health Bulletin

Zam, N. (2014). Bhutan Sees 68 Death By Suicide Cases So Far This Year.                                                                                                           Retrieved from www.thebhutanese.bt

Humanity Crisis

For past hundred of years; wars were fought, lives were taken in the name of religion, politics, revenge and many other unnamed reasons. Now, its another phase of this war we are fighting. 

Planes go on missing. People are kidnapped. Cities are bombarded. Families are separated. A father loses a daughter in trafficking. A son is kidnapped to become a suicide bomber. Journalist are tortured and taken as captive. Family members kill each other for money and property.Our homes are on fire. What is happening to humanity? Where are we heading to?

I switch on my television. I see crisis in country X. I get disturbed and change the channel. I see open firing on civilians in country Y on another channel. I see people in pool of blood. The children are screaming and yelling. The war  has consumed all the resources, people are going hungry.They are abandoned from their own country. The schools are captured by terrorists. The children no more go to schools. They stay locked in their homes. Yet the families are not safe in their own homes. The 'sound sleep' is a distant word. 

Where are our values?Is this the destiny of human beings? Is this ever going to end? Our leaders are debating. They are talking.Solutions are vague. Our future is in haze. In the process of our perplexity, there are more blood sheds, magnifying collisions and  heightening crisis.

As I listen and watch this,  I feel sick. I want to run away. I no more want to live in the  World of chaos.I do not want to live in the World of fear and horror. I want peace and love. As I am writing this, several hundred may be evacuated from a war zone. Number of them might have breathed last.

Does this crisis have an end ?  Will humans go extinct in war with each other? What is the purpose of a war that is taking our sound sleep and hormony?  Every night, I sleep with this disturbing questions only to wake up with news of another terror. 

Mismatch?

Exactly two months and 13 days had passed by without updating my Blog. That accounts to eight weeks and 15 days. The simple fact is that I am lost in the daily mundane of life. Some how,  I seem to have lost track of time. Today, I am all over the thoughts of being a general graduate and the challenges I foresee upon myself in this technical World. 

When I first joined MoH, I had no idea what difference it would make in being a general graduate. I never foresaw the challenge ahead.   Even when I went to appraise our Secretary on my first day  at  office,  he stressed  on the challenges of  general graduate in the technical World. I wondered about it then . Now, I understand  what he meant as I begin to feel the mismatch of my qualification and job.

If I were to  take the survey of Bhutanese people working in various organization, there will be almost 50% of the people in the wrong place. They will either have mismatch of  job and qualification , or mismatch of job and skills or mismatch of job and interest. However, for good performance and meaningful contribution at the organization, there should job-qualification-skills-interest match.  Of course it is like asking for an ideal match. Yet,some absolute mismatch in our workplace are worth the thought.

For instance, an Information Technology student (IT) becomes a marketing officer.  History major student works in a financial institute. A biology student is employed as Trade Officer. A student with finance background is Human Resource Officer.Now go around and look in your own organization, see how many of such kind you can find. I bet there will be many. 

Should we call this blessing? Destiny?Chance? I know that cannot be called  'a job by choice.' A person  would always want to  apply the knowledge they learnt in their high school or college at their workplace.Nonetheless, we could also look at this from a different angle. May be that student was forced to take up the course they did not like(or by chance). Now, they may be  in the job of their choice. But this coincidence can happen only with few lucky ones. 

Is our recruitment into organizations flawed? Or is it because we have taken the course without studying the market situation? Or did the ones who developed the curriculum failed to be futuristic?(applies to Bhutan only)

In my case, I do not know if it is mismatch between job-interest or qualification , I am definitely handicapped at my own inability to contribute in the technical reports and discussions. I feel my energy untapped. While I also feel my potential to contribute lies else where.  Of course, I  am in the place where many dream to be but for me, its causing my self esteem.  I know there are  hundreds who are still hunting for a job and that I should be complacent. Yet, the uneasiness(inferiority complex)  brought this thought in me. 

Do not think I am giving up( nor any one would). There is still a hope inside me, the hope to make myself capable enough to handle the situations I am faced with. I know I will never become a doctor or specialist . But I also know I can built that same capacity inside me so that I no longer will feel sorry at myself. Thank God, I have  people at work place who motivate and never let me down.

I feel  the need for the change in the current scenario so that other people like me will no more suffer with the feeling of helplessness. 

List of Gratitude(Thank you Rhonda Bryne, you made me a grateful Person)

I am grateful to wake up alive today morning I know hundreds have not seen the morning's daylight.

I am grateful to be able to breath the fresh air because it is keeping me alive.

I am grateful for giving me wonderful parents and understanding siblings because they made me the person I am today .

I am grateful to be surrounded with joyful friends because they add colors to my life.

I am grateful to reach where I am today because I feel proud of myself.

I am grateful to have a perfect partner because he gives completes my World.

I am grateful to be meet with great teachers because they taught me the values of Life.

I am grateful to be able to  make my prayers everyday because it gives peace to  my soul.

I am grateful to have all my senses because I can see,feel,hear,taste,smell ;  some do not have the ability to do this. 

I am grateful to have a good boss because she is an inspiration to me.

I am grateful to be able to accept the way I am because its a challenge for few to accept themselves.

I am grateful to be working in my office because its a comfortable space I am given to work.

I am grateful to be born in Bhutan because its a peaceful country and I can live without any anxiety. 

There are many things I am grateful in life. Even in a day there are several things I am grateful for. There are people I am deeply grateful for.As I count on my gratitude in life, I feel the magic happen to me every seconds of my life. I feel satisfied and see happiness growing inside me. It brings the glow that life could bring ant happy man on earth. Our life is worth the gratitude because Magic is what we make happen to ourselves through gratitude. 

Be grateful each day, each moments of your life. Its worth it.   

I am practicing Rhonda's "The Magic" and it made me....

....

Letter to my Mother

Dear Ama

Today, I would like to let you know that you have been a super Mom  for me. I know we never had enough time to sit together and share our feelings. As a young girl, I always admired mom and daughter sit together and do their little gossips in movies. In such times, I always wished I had you  to talk to. However, things were different with us. We were busy in our own schedules. I was in pursue of my studies while you were busy back home with your daily chores. We were mostly in distance.

But your love has never been any lesser for me. Your care and affection always equals to what I see in those movies. I do not care if we  never have  been together for all the years gone by. I am ok if I could not share you about my first period, my weight problems and about my boyfriend issues. I know you too wished for us to be together. You were always there to understand me when I was going through my difficult times. I know no other person can understand me like you do.

I am happy that your blessings and prayers have made me the person I am today. I proudly say that I am the luckiest daughter in the World to have a mother like you.  It's a blessing to have a mother like you who taught me about patience and strength. Today I am strong enough to face the World and it is all because of you. You are a perfect epitome of an ideal women. Ama, you are my idol. Thank you for your love and care. 

I pray for you your health and strength. May God bless you always. 

I love you Ama

Your always

 Cheychey

Nyctophobia in Me.

Nyctophobia (fear of the dark)is mostly associated as a  phobia in children. I am an adult yet I still  fear the dark. I rarely confess this phobia in me. But I realized that admitting my fear can help me overcome it.

There are various situations when we encounter darkness. Case 1: It's night time, you are alone at home, reading. All of a sudden, the light goes off. You suddenly realize that you are out of candle stock. You can’t find your mobile phone.  Case 2: You are in the shower at night, the lights goes off, your mobile is in your living room. Case 3: You are walking  alone to your house at night and there is a dark place you have to cross. Case 4: You  go to store room located in the basement of your office with a urgent task. The tube light in the store room has some problem. It's dark. You have forgotten your mobile on your desk.  

I can’t sleep with my lights off. If I do, I wake up in the middle of night to find myself sweat profusely with the fear that someone is lurking in my room (I often develop an apprehension of a ghostly figure). I am a little hesitant to go out when it is dark. When I walk the dark path (even with my friends) I feel that someone is following me (A creepiness runs through my spine). I get really terrified to even  look back with the fear that I may see something horrifying. My heart rate increases, I start to sweat even in the chilliest night (I try not to admit it  to my friends).  Even when I am in group, I always prefer to walk in the middle. I choose where I want to be as walking behind my friends or by their side, gives me the feeling of an unknown presence behind/by my side. I feel protected in the middle. 

If I have just a friend with me in such situations. I hold their hands or arms. When scared, I  usually pressed their hands so hard. I know Rinchen and Tshering definitely knows my feelings when I do this. When I am alone, you can assume my condition. I find myself gasping till I reach home. Even the thought of walking alone at night gives me a chill in my nerve at the moment.

When I get into a dark room I fear what if I see someone like the one in "Grudge' horror movie. I quickly search for the switch and get back to my normal self (Confession: I can't go alone into an empty dark room, I try hard as am an adult now). 

As per once source "If your nyctophobia is severe, you may attempt to run away from dark rooms and avoid being outside at night. You might become angry or defensive if anyone tries to encourage you to spend time in the dark."(http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcome-fear-of-the-dark/). I do  that all the time. Hereby, it is confirmed that I have Nyctophobia. And it’s a severe one. 

Any dark environment gives my body a paralysis. I feel vulnerable.  My imagination further stimulates my fear and I regret for watching horror movies (Note: Now I have stopped watching any of it). I always associate night and its darkness to "Evil and Fear."

The positive point of this phobia is that I feel very close to God.  Such situations make me seek refuge in them with my true heart. I feel their presence too. I know it is good to feel close to God but it leaves me crippled most of the time. 

 I hope this confession  do me  a little  magic and elevate me of this phobia in me.

Ambition versus Reality

13th Jan, 2014

What was your ambition when you were in your pre-primary school? Did it remain the same when you reached your middle secondary or high school? Are you what you once dreamt?  If you are not than we have the same story. 

As I sit with more than 70 medical professionals: comprising of specialist, doctors, nurses, dietitians  and so on, I remember the varied ambitions with which I grew up. My ambition shifted along with different stages of my life. Some came out due to the force of  the society while others were because of my  my enthusiasm .  I aspired to become a Teacher in my pre-primary school inspired by my teachers (wanting to become like one of them). Upon reaching the middle school, I was fascinated by people in the arm force. The reason was very simple. I  loved the way they dressed smartly and always thought they were the strongest people. 

As I reached my 9th grade the whole dimension to all  my  earlier ambitions changed.  I wonder if that was simply because of the societal glorification of the health profession or out of my genuine interest. I wanted to become a Doctor. It was this phase of life where my strength to work never ceased. For the next four years, after my 9th grade, I burnt my share of midnight oil. I passed through several sleepless nights. The rate of sleeping on the floor with my books scattered was more than the actual rate of sleeping on the bed without any book. Comfort and sleep just became secondary, as I had to become what I aimed. Yet my dream came to halt. My love for biology and chemistry became futile. My career path diverted into an unknown.

As I  reached my college, I was placed into a course which I never thought earlier. By then I had lost hope in life because I had lost what I dreamt. I was left with no ambition. As a cliche goes 'a person without ambition is blind'. I was walking blind. People often  asked what I would like to become after my college, I simply replied, 'Whatever fate decides'. However,the wounds of my disappointment healed  with each passing days. When I reached my final semester, I revitalized all over again. I was once more clear of who I wanted to become in life. I wanted to join a media house: become a Reporter.

The same equation resumed once more. I never joined any media house nor became a reporter. This time I was tough enough to accept the pain of not becoming what I wanted to. I decided to become the the choice of the society. 

Oh! again, I did not tell something. When one of my teachers asked my ambition in class  three. I said 'I want to become a Singer (Don't  laugh, seriously that was my ambition).

Did you hear the saying 'God has better plan for us'. May be my future is better not becoming a doctor or a reporter. Life had its own plan for me. Of course, it hurts not becoming what I really endeavor for so long. But there is no use of moaning over what did not happen (as I expected). Life is all about accepting everything that comes our way. There is pain in losing our dreams yet time teaches us to accept that loss. 

I do not even know where I will be tomorrow. May be soon I will have another aim, another dream. Will it be achieved?I cant say.I may even leave the current post for another one.  I do not know. All I know is that at the end of the day it narrows down to the contributions we make to our society, of the difference we make to the lives of people around us. After all what is the purpose of life? 

For some people, dreams(ambition) does not necessarily turn into destiny. Sometimes,we become what has already been destined for us because that's the very right thing that happens to us.  

Coming of the END

The coming of the end is nearing. During my stay here at RIM, I had the most wonderful time yet I too had the worst of nightmares.  When one of my seniors told me that one year here would be just like a dream, I was too excited.  At times I  felt my  stay here like ages, at other times I wished my student life never come to an end. 

As a leader here, I know I have failed in some areas. I might have also failed to display the character of a perfect leader yet I tried my best. 'You cannot make everyone happy.' I heard my senior say. I know I could not impress everyone.  However, it gave me the best opportunity to learn and grow. Every day experience lead me to achieve more and   move towards attainment of maturity. It gave me the platform to know myself more.

 I was often split between my roles as a leader and the need to fulfill my own roles. So often I wished I was among the crowd, relaxed, with no worries of programs, time management of the speakers,  anxious over things not getting as planed, or not having to force people who did not want to work.

Occasionally, I wanted to lead my life my way with no roles. With no people expecting anything from me, with no judgement passed about me when I was spotted with a little drawback. After all, all humans are bound to mistakes.  But something that kept my spirit burn was being able to initiate activities, bring smiles on people, cheer the crowd and  be the voice of people. 

My cohort was the best of people I ever meet. I was able to learn from everyone. I know we have been through blues but we stood united against all the forces that affected us. Yes, we battled it well. It may not have been the best of our times here, but I always appreciate the way we supported each other.

When I will  look back after 10 years, I would not regret  to say : "those were the best people I meet in my life."

 To all my friends I would like to thank for your support.  I would cherish all our times together: our nights to booze out, several birthday celebrations, our trip to  Simtokha, another to Talakha, our campaign to Lamperi. Those were the most amazing experiences we had  together. 

I thank all people who supported me and would like to wish you all luck, success and happiness every where you go. All the best in your careers  ahead. 

The data collection phase: Challenges for an Amateur Researcher:

Research is one of the vital requirement in the fulfillment of my course this semester. Major chunk of my time is reserved for doing research. As I go through the process of research, I am faced with several challenges like any other researchers. Data collection  was one of the many  challenges in my research  process. 

I wish I had a car. I wish I do not have to walk with my high heels. I wish I knew every person working in all the ministries and organisations so that none would deny the request I make.

I walk from office to office with my questionnaires.I walk for distance, with scorching sun above me, with my stomach empty, tired and exhausted with the thought in mind that I will get a person to be interviewed. I enter an office only to find out that people in the office have left for a tour. At someone's mercy, I am asked to come the next day or other times the person I intend to met had left for a meeting. I go the next day taking my questionnaire and request the people to fill it. Some flatly reject. Other  excuse themselves in the name of tight schedule. I am asked to go to another division of the office only to get the same reply.

Few say that they do not have enough knowledge and that someone else might have better view than theirs(while I keep insisting that there is no view better or worse). I leave my questionnaire to be filled as it would take time for some people to fill it up. People suggest me to come the next day. When I come back,I find half of my questionnaire unfilled, some missing and some partially filled.  

Few of people give me  stern look despite my simplest appearance. There were even instance at one point of time where one person angrily  said (actually shouted) " how much of the data should I fill  up!" 

The attitude of that literate person upset me and made me think 'do we have enough support from society for young people to do research?' Well that is one part of the story. Of course there was good part as well. 

Some, despite their busy schedule,helped me. They understood the how essential this research is for me. My seniors who went through the same process needed no explanation. They straight away helped me leaving their work aside.

Any how, this part of the process is not an easy task.  Patience is an integral part.I needed to explain to the simplest, accept when people denied , wait them to fill it even though I was in a rush. At times, wait till a day or two to just get a paper filled. Smile, even when people have misplaced my paper.Had to maintain my cool when someone denied to respond when I made an inquiry. Wait till some one finished talking on their cell and accept when they ignored my presence. 

Sometimes I was totally frustrated. Once,I even left an office without distributing any of my questionnaires.I had never felt this disappointed. 

Conducting interview was another challenging task in my research. In the sense, getting right people to give their opinion was a challenge.  Harder was getting the right person  with knowledge on my topic.

By this I do not mean to tell  people that they need to put aside all their work to fill my questionnaire. I only wish them to be little generous and spare few minutes to just scan my questions. If they are busy, I just wish them to be little polite and say it. I wish people do  realize that its aching when they are rude. That too when we are tired and had walked the whole week for this process.
My route:
RCSC to MoAF to RTC to MoEA to GNHC to  BCMD to RENEW to NWAB to NCWC to MoLHR to  MoIC to MoH to MoE to NC office to NA office to KCD production

Thank God this process came to end soon. 

The Final Farewell

In midst of smoke under the same roof 

following those who have gone,covered with silk and scarf;

I will be alone, 

watched by the crowd, biding farewell. 

The fire that warms my body now  

will engulf my bones and  flesh, turning me into ashes and dusts. 

The air that freshens me now will blow me to be smoke and vapor.

I will be going into the  mysterious world,  unknown, unseen 

but the world much talked about. 

left will be the memories of my deeds.

My closest friends will moan. 

Strangers will see me go and show pity of my departure. 

Yet no force can stop me from leaving the world.
coz  the force of the unknown world will be the strongest;
to pull me away from the much known world.

 No matter how much I wish to stay  here, 

heedless of the want to hold me by  loved ones , 

I will have to bid  farewell .

My hard earned fame,name and wealth will be of no strength.

My body will cease and soul will depart ;

Guided by chants of  monks into the path I have never taken. 

I will be alone, scared and anxious. 

My companion will be the dark hollow space.

To the spiritual guidance I will seek my refuge

To transform me into the higher  space:

take me to take the path of  higher truth

leave  no trace of sadness in me 

to leave the world of mine: once loved and cared.

 O  the enlightened ones ! I seek your  blessings,
To show me the way towards your  path

Let the end of me be the best beginning of me.