It has been so long that I neither updated my blog nor my diary. My diary is supposed to be my daily reflection but my daily ritual is now at stand still. It has been weeks. The reason is simple; my empty mind which has lead to laziness. I have not been hard on my mind either. I have let it dawdle own its own. Same is with my eloquence. I have remained withdrawn and silent in the conversations in all situations. There are two things I am writing about here: on my transition of my personality type and writer’s block.
The routine of life has made the once dynamic soul into dormant stage for time being. Is this stagnant phase a sign of freedom or lost me?
I sense the lost ‘magic’ in me for now; the magic with which I used to charm my World (although it was a small). It’s like the long slumber of the Dark Ages of European literature. Although that might be too huge a comparison yet my soul is experiencing the same dark era. Or I am also probably suffering from writer’s block even though I do not credit myself as a writer. My writings are purely for myself, for my own satisfaction and reference.
On my personality type: I have been an extrovert .Neither did I hesitate to talk in gatherings nor was I uneasy to start a conversation with strangers. I was brave and out spoken. I do not see this in me anymore. I have become anxious and conscious of every word I speak. I rather choose silence as an ultimate solution.
Certainly, I have all the opportunity in the world to gather all the creativity, all the knowledge and wits. Yet the mind is blank and still. Should I blame my surrounding for it? I surely would not dare that. This is what the transition to adulthood has possibly made me.
I am not supposed to be like the one I am today. I am eager to become the person I dream of; the one that is lost for the moment. I want this dark era for both eloquence and writing to end. I want to write more and talk with confidence.
As I write this, I find myself constantly in search of ‘right words’. I find my fingers carelessly pressing the backspace button every time I type a sentence. I pause for several times before I actually finish each paragraph.