In absence
May be fourteen years is not too long for anyone to forget one’s most
beloved person.
Fourteen years has passed by. I have
passed my child hood days, my teenage days and I am now nearing to be an adult
yet he remains in my heart and soul. Fourteen years is not a
very long time for me now because I had lost one of the most important persons
of my life.
Today as I journey
through the steeps of Namling, (the steep pass between Bumthang and Monger a dangerous
and an accident prone area) whole of my body stiffens, giving me goose pimples
and the image of my brother flashes through my mind. As I look down through the
vehicle at the steep slope, covered by the thick forest, it chills me to think
of the pain people faced that night of the accident.
People interpret the bus accident in their own
way. Most say that the bus driver was drunk at the night of accident. While
some say that he was angry with his passenger. Other blames bus being
overloaded. Few consider it as the destiny of the passengers. I am neither a
saint nor detective to know the cause of the accident. I am a simple human
being and I only know that the bus accident had cause the lives of so many
precious lives and among them was my brother. As I pass through Namling pass
today, I see the image of my distress family.
The summer of 1998 was
the most disastrous for my family. I still remember the anguish on my nephew’s
face telling me, “uncle Ugyen is no more” The news had traumatized me
immediately. My heart beat stopped for a moment. My whole world was at a
standstill. I wished the news to be a fake one. I wished myself to be in dream
and wanted to wake up laughing at myself for such a dream. However, the reality
could not be denied. I cried my eyes out and I cried even more at the thoughts
that I will not be able to attain his funeral. I had to travel three days to
reach my home town where his body has been taken for cremation.
After spending three sleepless nights I and my
sisters ended the World’s most calamitous journey and reached our home town to
attend the rituals. Desolated my house appeared, silently it stood and even the
mountains around it seemed to mourn at the loss of my brother. Sight of my
parents was even more depressing for me. As soon as I stepped into my house I
noticed my mother grief-stricken with flocks of villagers around her. My father
sat motionless like a statue.
My brother was placed at
the center of the room but not in flesh and bone but only a gema (the shadow) that represented him.
The food and drinks were offered in front of him. I ran hurriedly towards my
mother. She stood up and hugged me tight. Volumes of tears ran through my
cheeks. There was nothing I could do nor did anything left for me to say. My
brother was helpless in the battle of fate. He lost the battle of life to
destiny.
I could not do anything
but pray silently to almighty for his soul to rest in heaven. His body
consigned to ashes, his soul no more, only the prayer flags stood in his
memory. I was left deserted only to pray and stare at those prayer flags. Never
ever did I realize before that such a young person leaves so soon.
Now, I wonder to whom I should blame, whether
to blame the carelessness of the driver or the government for not widening the
road or to blame the night of the accident itself. Or should I blame the fate
for such misfortune?
But memories can never fade
away from me as the word Namling synonyms him for me now.